GOOD MORNING, TONY: WHEN CORPORATE CULTURE MEETS CULTURAL INTELLIGENCE

There is a video flying around social media at the moment, and if you have been online since yesterday, there is a good chance you have seen it.

A young graduate trainee stood up during UBA's Graduate Management Accelerated Programme graduation ceremony and began:

“Good morning, Tony.”

Mr Tony Elumelu stopped her.

Not aggressively. Not with insults. But he made it clear that she should not address him simply as Tony. Mr Elumelu, T.O.E. or Chairman would do. He also made the point that he does not subscribe to that kind of “oyinbo life.”

And just like that, social media caught fire.

Since then, I have seen everything from “she is disrespectful” to “who raised her?”, “she lacks manners”, and even predictions that her career is finished before it has properly started.

But before we bury a young woman's entire future because of a few seconds in a viral video, can we actually talk about what happened?

Because I think there is a lesson here — and not only for her.

BUT WHAT ABOUT CORPORATE CULTURE?

One argument I have seen repeatedly is that in some banks and modern corporate environments, employees are encouraged to address one another by first names.

And that is true in many workplaces.

The idea is usually to reduce unnecessary hierarchy, make communication easier and create an environment where junior employees feel comfortable approaching senior colleagues.

Fair enough.

But there is something called reading the room.

Even where first-name culture is normal, surely we know that not every situation is the same.

Your colleague is one thing.

Your team leader is another.

A senior executive is another.

And the Chairman of the organisation standing before you at your graduation ceremony is another situation entirely.

Sometimes nobody needs to write it in an employee handbook.

Wisdom should tell you.

There are certain people whose age, position or the occasion itself should naturally make you pause for one second and think about how you address them.

That is not inferiority.

That is social intelligence.

“BUT IN THE WESTERN WORLD…”

This is another part of the conversation that interests me.

People keep saying, “But in the UK, America or other Western countries, people call their bosses by their first names.”

Yes, they often do.

I live and work in the UK, so I understand that culture very well.

But please, let us stop behaving as if Western society does not understand respect.

It does.

The expression of respect may simply be different.

There is an older white woman I work with. Sometimes during our conversations I address her as “Ma'am.”

She notices it.

She acknowledges it.

She appreciates it.

Nobody instructed me to do it. It is simply something that comes naturally to me because of where I come from and how I understand respect.

And living in another country has not required me to throw that away.

Western people may be comfortable with first names, but they still understand courtesy, boundaries, position, appropriate language and knowing how to conduct yourself in different environments.

So perhaps the better lesson is not:

“This is how oyinbo people behave.”

It is:

Know your environment. Know your audience. Know the moment.

RESPECT WILL NEVER MAKE YOU SMALL

This is where I stand personally.

Respect has never reduced anybody's value.

Calling someone Mr Elumelu instead of Tony would not have made that young lady less educated, less confident, less brilliant or less deserving of her place in that room.

Sometimes we confuse confidence with excessive familiarity.

They are not the same.

You can be bold and still respectful.

You can speak intelligently and still understand hierarchy.

You can challenge someone's ideas and still address them appropriately.

In fact, I believe one of the greatest forms of confidence is knowing that showing another person respect does not take anything away from you.

AND THIS IS NOT ABOUT TRIBE

I have also seen people trying to bring tribe into the conversation.

I don't think we need it.

Every major Nigerian culture I know teaches respect in one form or another.

Yoruba people have our ways of expressing it. Igbo people have theirs. Hausa people have theirs. Edo, Efik, Ibibio, Tiv, Ijaw and many others have theirs.

The expressions may differ, but respect for elders and appropriate acknowledgement of people did not suddenly arrive in Nigeria yesterday.

So there is really no reason to turn one young woman's mistake — if we choose to call it that — into another tribal battlefield.

BUT PLEASE, LEAVE THE YOUNG WOMAN'S FUTURE ALONE

This is where I think social media needs to calm down.

Correct her? Fine.

Discuss what happened? Absolutely.

Use it as a lesson for other young professionals? I am doing exactly that.

But declaring that her career is over?

That is too much.

She is a young woman at the beginning of her professional journey. If anything, she has probably learnt one of the biggest lessons of her career much earlier than many people do.

And unfortunately for her, she learnt hers in front of cameras.

How many of us made mistakes when we started working?

How many entered professional environments without understanding every unwritten rule?

The only difference is that nobody recorded ours and served them to millions of strangers for breakfast.

I also noticed something else in that clip.

After Mr Elumelu corrected her, she moved straight to her question.

Some people interpreted that as further disrespect because she didn't immediately apologise.

Perhaps an immediate “I'm sorry, Mr Elumelu” would have softened the entire moment. I personally think it would have been the wiser response.

But again, she may have been embarrassed, nervous or simply trying to recover quickly and continue what she wanted to say.

A few seconds of awkwardness should not become a life sentence.

IF SHE EVER READS THIS…

Young lady, learn from it.

That's all.

Don't allow thousands of comments from people who don't know you to convince you that your future ended in that room.

It didn't.

Next time, read the room better.

Understand that corporate policies may tell you one thing while culture, age, occasion and hierarchy may require a little more discretion.

And when someone tells you how they prefer to be addressed, respect it.

But please continue your career.

Continue learning.

Continue growing.

One day, this may become one of those embarrassing stories you laugh about while mentoring another young graduate.

PERHAPS THAT IS THE REAL LESSON

Corporate culture is important.

Confidence is important.

Creating workplaces without suffocating hierarchy is important.

But cultural intelligence is equally important.

Knowing what you can do is different from knowing what you should do.

And sometimes, the difference between the two is simply wisdom.

Whether you work in Lagos, London, New York or anywhere else in the world, learn the environment you find yourself in.

You don't lose anything by showing respect.

If anything, respect has a strange way of opening doors that qualifications alone sometimes cannot open.

And to the young lady at the centre of yesterday's internet storm:

Take the correction.

Keep the lesson.

And keep moving.

Your career is far bigger than one “Good morning, Tony.”